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Sunday, October 30, 2011
Kell on Earth “God…I’m too well-behaved.”
How do I even explain how much I love Kell on Earth? I don’t know where to start. I’ve seen a handful of episodes and I already feel like I know these people – I want to sit around the office with them, spontaneously switching into my PJs and drinking coffee all day, although I’m not sure exactly why, since it seems like a panic attack waiting to happen. As best as I can tell, it’s because unlike the vast majority of over-staged and over-written reality shows (yes, most reality shows employ writers), the fashionistas that work at People’s Revolution seem like they’re not just glossy television characters.
This week, Kelly Cutrone & Co. dealt with more diva designers, inappropriately young male models, Kelly’s adorable daughter, a lingerie fashion show, and Stephanie Vorhees’s continued issues with the theory and implementation of stamps.
It’s still September Fashion Week in New York City, and People’s Revolution has another two shows to pull off in the span of one episode. This time, it’s for neophyte menswear designer Nicolas Petrou (NO H IN NICOLAS, PEOPLE!) and widely known and well-loved makers of skimpy, pretty things, Agent Provocateur.
Before either of those shows happen, however, we need to deal with the drudgery of planning them. Things like, you know, sending out invitations and press releases, tasks which apparently escaped one of our dear Stephanies (I’ll let you guess which one). Again, stamps are really hard,discount wholesale handbags, you guys. It’s also really hard when multiple copies of one invitation are accidentally printed for each person, because, I mean, there aren’t enough stamps to send each one!
I make fun because it’s my job, but I’m actually starting to wonder if Dumb Stephanie is being set up or something. Either that, or she has absolutely minimal common sense and logic capabilities – she sent out a release with the designer’s name misspelled, she couldn’t figure out what to do with some fairly mundane postal problems (hint: send the most important stuff first and then buy more stamps), she doesn’t know how to make address labels.
Since she’s made it through life thus far, still upright and breathing, I have to wonder whether or not these are actually her mistakes. She keeps owning up to them,high quality watch, though, and we did get a shot of her forlornly pasting address labels on envelopes, a job which she had apparently been warned against farming out to interns again since the last time she tried to pawn the work off on them, Kelly ended up doing it herself. I actually started to feel a little bad for her – we all suck at our jobs every now and then, but luckily our screw-ups aren’t edited together into a reality program. Then I realized that most of the stuff that she was apparently screwing up was easy, and I didn’t feel so bad anymore.
Enough about Dumb Stephanie for this week, however – she’s not fired (yet) and there are more important things at hand. Namely, models! Casting them! Petrou’s show is menswear, so they need boys for that show, and obviously girls for Agent Provocateur. Oddly though, the models’ looks weren’t that big a deal at the menswear show since all the male models were wearing giant patterned spandex face-covering onesies that only the Japanese critics appreciated. Because, I mean, of course they did.
That didn’t stop Kelly from practically going into heat about all the “surfer boys” that were under those onesies, and I kind of loved it. Because, really, no matter how old you are…21-year-old guys will always be hot. Half-naked 21-year-old guys that are gainfully employed because of their appearance? Even hotter. You go, Kelly. Be that creepy older woman! I hope I’m not too proud to salivate over guys in their early 20s when I’m in my 40s.
Casting models for Agent Provocateur proved to be a tad more difficult, and if you think logically about lingerie and high-fashion models, it totally makes sense that it would be. The scary-skinny girls walking in the regular shows just look scary in lingerie, and as Kelly pointed out, not even the weight-obsessed fashion industry thinks that that’s hot. Let’s ignore for a moment what horrible things that says about the fashion industry and focus on Kelly’s task: casting models that are both incredibly thin and simultaneously healthy-looking and slightly curvy. Finding those girls was, as you would imagine, quite the undertaking.
In the middle of everything, Kelly decided to take a little break for family: namely, to take her adorable daughter Ava for a walk around the block. On this walk, they managed to run into a dog that they actually used to own. I’m not sure if this was a setup or if it happened by accident, but apparently they gave the puppy to a friend’s nanny, and when the nanny got pregnant, she gave it up for adoption with a rescue organization because she didn’t know if she could take care of it. In turn, two lesbian painters with a fabulous loft four blocks from Kelly adopted it, and Kelly ran into the new owner and the dog while out on the walk with her daughter. It was kind of adorable, even if it did seem a little like a setup.
As always, however, back to the shows.
First up was Nicolas Petrou, who had never had a show before and People’s Rev had apparently taken him on as a favor. You know what they say about the road to hell being paved with good intentions? Well, this was a perfect example. In addition to the aforementioned body stockings, the clothes were also oddly patterned and maybe not really indicative of what’s going on in American men’s fashion right now. Don’t tell that to this guy, though – no, no,factory direct purses, no. This guy just KNEW that all the reviewers and critics and experts were wrong, and that his stuff was just way too sophisticated for any of them. Forget the fact that they’ve all been doing this professionally for seasons upon seasons and that this was his first presentation – he has a masters degree, people. Because obviously no one else has one of those.
He was rude to the menswear editor from Women’s Wear Daily, which is such an utterly idiotic thing to do for a new designer that I can barely comprehend it. But he did it, despite the fact that he should have been flattered that they showed up and impressed that Kelly got him the press turnout that she did. Of course, since he thinks that he poops sunshine, he wasn’t impressed – he was pissed that not every person that was invited showed up, but really it just seemed like he was looking for a reason to skip out on the bill. Kelly wrote a nasty note about him on her Facebook page.
The Agent Provocateur show went significantly better, despite the fact that the brand’s marketing person had the requisite freakout during setup. If you’ve ever planned a big event or, God forbid, worked in the industry (I was an intern), you know that there’s always a freakout at some point where things might go really off the rails, no matter how well-planned things are or how nicely the event eventually goes. It’s just part of the process.
But the British lady that hired People’s Revolution was pleased afterward, and why shouldn’t she be – Kelly found her enough skinny/curvy models and even managed to deal with a last-second venue change without too much drama. The stuff was pretty, the right people saw it, and then they all had champagne. Isn’t fashion grand?
Next week, it looks like two people get canned – gay/goth/glam Andrew and Smart Stephanie have been tweeting from New York Fashion Week for the past several days as People’s Rev employees, so we know it’s not them. I think we have a pretty good idea of who at least one of them might be.
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